ME AND MY BIG MOUTH!

I believe that most parents would have lots of stories to tell about their ‘big mouth moment’. At least I do.  That moment in time, the few seconds when you let something slip or said something you hadn’t intended to say to your child. Some people call it unguarded speech, others would call it a sweeping statement and some simply say a slip of tongue.

Whatever name you have for it does not make as much impact on you as the sudden rush of guilt and regret you feel going through your veins when you blurt it out. Depending on the age and temperament of your child, and depending on what was said and the circumstances, it might either be brushed off and forgotten or it will come back weeks, months or even decades down the line to bite you! Ouch!!!

Okay lets be real, we are only human. But what do we do next? Whatever we hadn’t meant to say has been said, probably in a moment of anger or frustration. Its out there.

Well, you must do what some parents find unthinkable, a taboo to some others and an abominable act to some……….APOLOGISE!!. First if it was a genuine slip of tongue, don’t beat yourself up too much. If it was said in the heat of anger you should really wait till you and your child have both calmed down and talk to your child about it. Yes, that’s the one thing some of us find difficult to do. Your child is more likely to do the things you do than the things you say.

When you apologise to your child you are not only teaching them that even you are not perfect, but also a very important principle of life – humility. Your child will grow up knowing that while we must make the best effort to do things right and not to offend others, if we do (because its a human thing) there is a way of putting things right.

Here are a few steps that can help you (typically if your child is aged between 2 and 10):

• Give yourself a moment away from the situation (timeout)
• Apologise for the situation, not for yourself , and mean it. Do not discredit yourself before your child. You were just being human,  not a bad parent. You can simply say ‘I am sorry for what I said earlier, I did not mean to say that’. Don’t make a long speech. If your child says anything listen to them and apologise again if you have to.
• Ask your child what they think you could have done differently and listen to what they say (you are indirectly teaching the child).
• Ask your child what he/she could also have done differently (in a gentle friendly tone). Remember you have just admitted to your child that you are wrong. Don’t suddenly switch to authoritarian mode.
• Spend some time alone and reflect on the situation. Ask yourself a few questions:

1.  What must you do/not do next time?
2. What triggered this reaction.
3. How can you deal with future similar situations (for example you can take some deep breaths to calm you down, move away from the situation until things calm down, find a more suitable time).

……………and remember, THERE IS NO PERFECT PARENT.