In today’s fast moving world it seems to be getting more and more difficult to keep up with things. This speed also seems to be having a diminishing effect on trust everywhere. It is becoming more and more difficult to trust people, even people in the same family.
Trust is a big and important element of all aspects of family life. In a family where trust exists people will usually not be suspicious of one another and family members will be open and honest with each other. However it would have taken such a family a while to get to this point because trust must be earned over time.
It is important for parents to earn the trust of their children and vice versa. If a foundation of trust is laid while children are young we increase the probability of our children being more open to us in their teenage and adult years, and I stress the word Probability.
Simple things like keeping a promise and doing what you say can earn you your child’s trust. If your child knows you always stick to your promise you make yourself more credible as a confidante to that child. You can also earn your child’s trust by being open and non-judgemental towards your them. That is to say when your child speaks to you about a concern they have, listen without prejudice no matter how stupid you think it is. For example a five year old child whose friend says to them ‘you are not coming to my party’ will be very hurt because to them that party is a big thing. A teenager who gets rejected by a group of people because they don’t ‘fit in’ with them will be very hurt. This is because at various stages of development children have different priorities and a different outlook on life.
One of the biggest earners of trust with children is honesty. Children are smart and when you lie to them they will probably nod their heads in agreement with the things you say but they will not necessarily believe you.
So how can your child also earn your trust? One simple way is to agree on some simple rules and consequences of breaking the rules and tell your child you are trusting them to follow the rules. You do not need to keep reminding the child about the rules (that is how you show you trust them). If they break the rules FOLLOW THROUGH with the agreed consequence (that is another way of doing what you say).
The above suggestions might not necessarily work with every child but effective parenting does not mean you always get it right it simply means you make the best efforts to parent your child the best way you can.
Remember, THERE IS NO PERFECT PARENT
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